This is the second of our two-part series about the mindfulness “What” and “How” skills. The mindfulness “How” skills in DBT teach you “how” to practice “what” skills. If you remember from our earlier post our “what” skills are observe, describe and participate. The “how” and “what” skills can be used together and interchangeably. You can observe nonjudgmentally, you can describe effectively, and you can describe one-mindfully and so on.
To read more about what mindfulness is, the goals of mindfulness and the “what” skills click here!
Below we will go over the “How” skills and give some examples of activities to try. Mindfulness takes practice so if you notice any judgments or distracting thoughts, just notice, and bring yourself back to the activity. You can do this!
The “How” Skills:
Nonjudgmentally
There are two types of judgments, those that discern and those that evaluate. Judgments that discern are incredibly important. You need judgments that discern to understand if things are the same or different, if they meet a particular standard, if the situation or thing fits the facts and if the consequences are in line with your values. For example, being able to tell if fruit is rotten before you eat it is an important judgment or discernment to make. The purpose of this discernment-type of judgment is to keep you safe from eating food that will make you sick.
On the other hand, judgments that evaluate are when you judge someone or something as good or bad, or whether something or someone is worthwhile, or valuable, or not. These judgments are typically based on your personal opinions, values and ideas that get added to the facts.
Practice Activities
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Practice observing your judgmental thoughts and statements. When you notice a judgment say to yourself “a judgmental thought arose in my mind”.
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Count your judgmental thoughts and statements. You can do this by getting a sports counter, by making tallies on a sheet of paper, or moving small pieces of paper from one pocket to the other every time you have a judgment.
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Replace judgmental thoughts with nonjudgmental ones by writing them down or saying them out loud to yourself. You can do this by describing just the facts of the event or situation, that means only what can be observed by your senses; seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling.
One-mindfully
One-mindfully means doing one thing at a time and doing your best to be completely in the present moment. Try to avoid thinking about the past or the future as this only creates extra suffering and distracts you from the present moment. It may be difficult for you to stop thinking about difficult or distracting thoughts or memories and that is normal. Learning how to do things mindfully and stay present takes practice. If you find yourself lost in a thought, gently bring yourself back to your breath and the present moment. Do this over and over as much as you can!
Practice Activities
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Sit comfortably on a chair or on the floor. If you’re on a chair make sure your feet can rest flat on the floor. You can keep your eyes closed or open, whatever feels most comfortable for you. Bring your attention to your breathing. As you inhale, say the word “one”, as you exhale say the word “one”. Then, move to the word “two”. If your mind wanders, bring your attention back to the breathing and counting your inbreath and your outbreath.
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You can practice awareness while washing the dishes. Be aware of picking up each dish. Notice how the dish feels in your hands. Notice how the water feels on your skin. Pay attention to each dish, notice what the dish looks like. Try not to hurry to get the job done and clean each dish slowly, one at a time.
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Prepare a pot of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate to serve a guest or just for yourself. Do each movement slowly and with awareness. Pay attention to as many details as you can during the process. How does the handle of the pot feel? What aromas are present? Feel the warm cup in your hand after it is poured. Breathe gently and more deeply than usual. Bring your attention back to your breath and the present moment if you find your mind has wandered.
Effectively
Every action or inaction moves you towards or away from your goals. Acting effectively is any action or inaction that moves you towards those goals. To do this skill you stop labeling things as “good”, “bad”, “right” and “wrong” and only look at if this activity brings you closer to achieving your goals. To do this, you must know what your goals are and what behaviors or actions will get you there and which will not. Being effective often means detaching from needing to be right and focusing on what needs to be done to help you achieve your goals.
Practice Activities
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Observe yourself when you find yourself wanting to be “right” instead of effective. Give up being “right” and do what is going to move you towards your long-term goals.
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Observe yourself when you are angry or hostile towards someone or yourself. Ask yourself “is this effective?”.
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Observe yourself when you notice feeling willful. Ask yourself “is this effective? Will this lead me towards or away from my long-term goals?
These skills can be practiced anywhere at almost any time. It takes practice but by following some of these suggested activities you can cultivate mindfulness in yourself. Being mindful gives you more control over your reactions and choices. Being nonjudgmental, mindful and effective are key to building a life worth living!